It fades

We went to the movie for the first time together. It starts after we get nice and comfortable I put my arm around her grasping her left shoulder gently with the palm of my hand. It feels so right, it feels so nice, it feels so comfortable, but will it be forever? Is this feeling going to last or is it just the feeling of being with someone nice after being alone for a while?

The movie ends... we sit in the care and talk for a little bit. Then we decide to go to the music store she's looking at books, I'm looking at cd's. The feelings get stronger, they get deeper and I am so excited but don't show it (must hide it.) We head home on our twenty minute drive. It's quiet at first but then the silence is broken. She begins to speak I really enjoy the sound of her voice. I chime in with a few "yeahs and mmhhmms" but thats about it. I drop her off at her house, no kiss, not on the first date, for this fool is to shy to make the move.

A couple of months go by, we are now saying "I love you" to each other. We are never apart, whether it's my place or hers. Then something starts happening. I don't enjoy her voice, I don't enjoy her pretty eyes starring at me, I don't enjoy sitting with her on the couch, I don't enjoy making her dinner, I don't enjoy waking up next to her every morning. Something went wrong somewhere and I don't know what happened. All I know is I don't enjoy her anymore.

So I let it go for a month or two hoping it will get better but it never does. It just gets worse and worse. It gets to the point where I'm avoiding her, screening her calls at work because I don't want to talk to her anymore.

I come home one day and she says we need to talk. We both know whats going to happen, we both have known these feelings were fading for some time now. It takes all of sixty seconds to say what needed to be said by both of us. She packs up her stuff and is out of the house in about half an hour.

Just like that it's over, she's gone. I have a slight feeling of sadness with an overwhelming feeling of relief. "It's finally over" I tell myself in my head. Like it was so damn painfull. But it wasn't, it was great for a while and then it just faded like the fog on a fall morning. It just slowly went away.

So now I ask myself why this happened. How could I be so happy at the beginning and then be so missireable at the end? I have no damn clue.

live laugh love

Ok so its been over a year since i've posted anything on here so I felt like i should either write or close my account. So I chose to write. Here we go... had first day of t-ball for Cameron today and I absolutely loved it. He loves it as well. Although I think he's more into it for the social aspect rather than to play the sport, but thats fine with me whatever makes him happy and this sure does. I sometimes wonder what he's going to be when he grows up. As it stands right now he wants to be a zoo keeper, I'm sure that will change by the time he gets older if not then more power to him. I'm trying to enjoy every second I get to spend with him but still feel like he's growing up way too fast and time is slipping away, but what can you do? I believe thats why some people have so many kids, because they dont want them to grow up, but they do. No matter how many pictures you take and how many videos you record. They will grow up and get to be my age and then they're saying the same thing I am and so it goes. My advice would be like the sign you see in a lot of mom's homes "LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE" and thats life.